Valentine's Day, 2007

It's college. I'm living in a dorm with a roommate I just can't stand occasionally, and other times I'm scared of that feeling that she may just hate me sometimes. It's a lonely world living with someone you don't know, with no arms to hold you at the worst of those times. Teachers could care less what your name is, but you've still gotta buckle down and study under all the pressure, the lack of sleep, the constant loneliness.

I receive a package on the day that can either be the loneliest day of the year or make you feel loved the most. I scrape my scissors across the clear tape, open the box, and smile. A pink envelope greets my eyes, resting on its squishable pillow of a floppy teddybear. There's a box of Godiva chocolates beneath it all, dark and rich and waiting for me to enjoy. I open up the envelope, pull out the card. Above the photograph of a sweet baby of an angel, the words "Even before I held you in my arms, I held you in my heart" rise up.

I love my mother.

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She has been there since the moment I was born, keeping me cradled safe and warm in her strong arms. I can't say how lucky I am to have her. She protected me from a father who had the tendency to forget I was his daughter under the violent rage induced by alcohol and hatred. She took me away from him before I was even a year old, refusing to put me through the same abuse she had suffered for so many years beneath his hand. She's always been strong, and brave. It was a risk to leave him for an unknown future and live on her own with a daughter to raise. It would've been a greater risk to stay. I wish I could have the same strength.

Sometimes I feel like I'm spoiled to have such a wonderful mother, but she wouldn't let me ruin myself. She has given me all of the freedom I need, and none of it wasted. Just enough to create responsibility in me and yet at the same time let me sprout the wings I need to fly. Through her, I know how to enjoy my life. I know how to step onto my own path in the world and walk it confidently, wherever it may lead me. Sometimes you gotta wander into the unknown before you can find the glorious sunlight we strive to feel.

Instead of growing old, she grows young. She's a woman built for love, for life, for adventure. She's got the curves, the freckles over her face, the glittering brown eyes, the skin colored by sunlight, the wild curly hair as ready to fly as she is. She fits on the back of a motorcycle as easily as she fits at home, holding me in her arms. I know I'm different from her, I can't be like her as much as I adore her for her amazing qualities. But there are different ways of living life to the fullest. She takes it wild, spontaneous, with love and heartbreak together, with struggles and celebration at once. The open trail leading to anywhere in the broad daylight appeals to her, while the lonely highway glazed in the gold of streetlights appeals to me. Without her, I'd be lost in the comforts of home, too content to sit by and let the world fly by. She gave me wings enough to take me where I want, even if my path will be different from hers. She just wants me to live for me, not for someone else.

And God, sometimes I miss her so much. But I am so thankful to you for blessing me with such an amazing mother.